The trees are coming out in full leaf except the walnut tree. It wasn’t a vibrant green spring this year for me. The leaves tended red then orange then sap green and yellowish. The flowering trees stayed flowering until the flowers just suddenly turned into leaves. I got really home in my body and my heart last night about when I could hold myself and my children for freedom. I had another day of suffering on April 25. We get attacked in the reiki, we really do. But this time it wasn’t me being attacked by the light of the world field, which has happened for years and seems like God because it says it is, it was the others with me. And it lasted about nine hours. And something changed in everyone’s experience because we gathered together in a new way. And that was pretty, although a couple of days later I had to go into deep doubt again. But I got through that. And I decided it was really okay with me to hold another person’s truth, even if I have only limited senses and not eyes to see, but full acute hearing in the reiki. Reiki is sound, my life is quantum and I was doing fine. And then last night someone told me, Beth I think it is you. He was sweet. He said what if you are the author, the healer, the body that manifests here. And then I stumbled around with a few things for a while like my children and then I said yes to that. Because I could tell. It is me. I really believe in this concept of the poem. We change things when we are not so literal. When we are creative. I learned this with my team and I wrote about it in A Rooted Nell and I use it every day. I let the poem be the source. And I know God matches that. I can feel it. So does my team. So when we create a poem instead of being lost we make up all kinds of beauty. A lot has arisen from my understanding that music and a poem are the keys to a beautiful whole mind, heart, body and life. So, last night, with a statement of beauty from a friend I don’t know, I found myself. And I was oh so delighted and pretty and confident. For about a minute. And then guess what? Everyone in my reiki was triggered. What do you mean? they said. Are you sure you mean that? they cried. You better check, they moaned. And I felt toxified and I told them so. I evicted them as much as I could. But I was wounded. They sent fear, doubt and worry right into my body, my mind and my heart. And I still haven’t recovered. They are trying. They are explaining everything they can think of to me about why it happened. But it was just a trigger really. And I’m used to this trigger because it’s a lifelong pattern so maybe I’m responsible for it and not them. Because plenty of times when I get really confident and pretty and feel really happy people around me attack. They always tell me I’m not allowed. The day I finished A Rooted Body I went deep into debt and had to borrow money to keep the basics like a phone and electricity and had to apply for an $11 an hour job at my old CSB as a med tech and someone who changes sheets. Everybody I had to ask for help thought that was much more sensible than being a full time coach and writer. Which I had been for over a year. The moment my life was getting really financially stable and I was about to pay off my debts and I loved my two jobs and my body was singing with health without medicine and I was living well again I was taken into the hospital system to see what was there that was brutal for my people. I could go on and on with examples of this that go way back. Including to when I first became the goddess like I wrote about in A Rooted Mind. Betrayal at every turn from the people closest to me. How that could have happened to me again is straight from the goddess herself. But it did. As you know. Different set of people, same exact betrayal. I feel numb and lost and out of sorts. Everything is a blank and when people try to help me I feel kind of annoyed. I don’t know how to regroup here. They are trying. But I find myself not wanting to participate in anything with them. So, I abandoned their discourse of explaining why and started to write. My daughter is coming for a visit from England this week and I am scheduled for my shot on Wednesday. Another month has gone by and I am not yet released from my disabled circumstances and I can’t talk to my daughter about anything I care about because she is not able to hear me without people in the world confirming it. I am not a reiki master to her I am a mental patient. Like I am to my psychiatrist, my son, my whole family and my pharmacist. I sensed last night that it was over. Like I’ve been indicating to you for years. I might indeed be a mental patient and on disability and on chemical restraints for my psychotic mind. It really depends on what you are looking at. If you’re looking at my interactions with the world of psychiatry and social security and Medicare and the police like my daughter and my son and my sister and my providers are you see failure. If you’re looking at my programs and my writing and my books and my reiki and my facilitation and my coaching and my heart and my wisdom and my truth of billions of hours of deep experience then you see something different. I can see both perspectives because I live them every day all day long and all night long. I never stop trying. I never stop listening. I never go out of the reiki. And I never stop writing and coaching. I do it every day. I want to regroup and find my excitement in my heart and in my knowing again that when my daughter comes this week I don’t have to lie anymore and I don’t have to hide what’s really true for me. That’s a form of violence and attack for me. And for her. And for my son. We are a soul circle. We always travel together. That includes every one of my attackers and every one of my loves. Kiss me sweetly on my forehead and help me face what I have next to do. It might take me a while still. Because we are a circle. I hate to lie to my children and I hate to be less than them. I hate to go get injected with bad chemicals. I hate to talk about my illness. I love to sing and write and coach and communicate and be embraced with kindness and support in reiki but I really wish it wasn’t just reiki so I could have a full life. I really am pretty and wise. I go beyond where most people are capable of going. And I inspire loving people to do the same. But I know I am not inspiring you or my daughter or my son to be a full master until I am free. And I really felt close last night. I really felt sure. I wrote the book on manifesting your master self. It’s called A Rooted Body. And I’ve been pretty much tortured with it ever since. The world has closed on me again. The circle must be saying something. Maybe if I ask my team to help me look at what the soul circle is saying I can find myself again. I am reluctant still. I feel a deep gash in my heart. But let me try. I guess I have to use my own medicine and find the poem away from the wound. I keep getting wounded. And this one is really, really bad. Who is that circle for you? Are you still deep inside it? I promise I will start moving again. Okay? This soul circle is really, really tough. I hear it screaming through the world. It says, I am covid. I am your judge for your demise it says. Be very, very afraid of me and knock off trying to stop me. You never will. How powerless am I? I had power for a moment before the soul circle attacked again in the form of triggered reiki friends. Okay. Thank you for listening once again to my heart. I know you don’t really believe I am powerless even though they say I am. Reiki just makes sense and so do I and I always have. I am a sacred healer and a sacred listener. I am a luminary. And I am a goddess for the new consciousness. And I have worked and suffered so hard for everyone of you. And they don’t know. Even though I’ve told them. Let’s regroup together now. The wound will close. Maybe not before another wound happens with my daughter and my shot. Because it feels like it went out of my hands and back to them. So, it feels like once again they are holding the circle. My circle. I had about a minute of truth. I knew I was about to be empowered. But no one else did. What do you know? Do you know yourself? Do you know your triggers? Do you know your poem? It’s a rather blustery day. And my body is responding as it usually does to everyone that comes along, good or bad. I feel like I am starting to get a poem again because I listened in. I am not powerless. I do my work daily and nightly. Let me do my work then. Until that entire soul circle is back in my hands. My hands are capable hands no matter what they say. When I am empowered you will know it, my friend. And so will my family. It’s okay I guess to be here. Bring on the barleycorn. Sing the rootsong. And I will, too.
She begins to walk. Because she takes the pen into her hands to write the next story. The next story is the story of the goddess. And of the god Pan. The next story is the story of the red deer clan. The next story is the story of the way. The way is green. The way is conscious. And the way is freedom. Inside spring. With the trees and the birds and the bees. With the flowers. At home in the nell. Alive in the meadow. Growing with the fern. Replenishing with the rain. Restoring with the river. Emerging with the leaf. River, rain, leaf, meadow and fern. The new story. This is the story of A Rooted Body. It is the story of the Time of the Awakened Heart on this green earth. And it is our story. And the story of our children. We have done our work well. We have walked in the shoes of justice. And we have seen far into the future for our people and our children. We have seen the new earth coming. And we have held it so delicately yet firmly in our hands. Now we hold the pen. Before it was them. But we are smarter than that. And we are determined now. We are the writers of the new story. The river story. The rain story. The leaf story. The meadow story. The fern story. That’s our way. To write the story. But always before we have been stopped. And the world can’t stop us anymore. Because the river and the rain and the leaf and the meadow and the fern says it can’t. That is their world. This is ours. We are the Rooted Body. We are the time of the awakening. We are the instinct and the sense of the buffalo and the whale. Our beauty is wise. And true. And we are breaking down the mystery. We hold each other. They hold onto nothing. We walk the way. They stay where they are but they leave our vision. We hold the highest vision. The highest purpose. With the earth. We say yes to life. To each other. And to the new way. It has traditions that are rooted among us. But we revise them to make them kind and loving and earth friendly. We are friends. We love all our friends and relations. And we are the new consciousness. The children say its time. So do we. So do the trees. So do the birds. So do the bees. Why would we prevent it? We would never. How can they? They can’t. The wisdom circle is in. We are thinking and creating. And we are writing. We know that the children have spoken to us about their wave. They say their wave is ready to begin. We hold the first wave. They hold the second. And on it goes. Until we have peace on earth. Total freedom for every master. Every light shining brightly. Every person in their rightful place. Everyone inside our grace. That means justice. And that means love. And that means neighborhoods. And that means vegetarian lives. For us and for them. Because the way is not to harm. The way is to thrive instead of suffer and serve an old god. The way is the master way. We are the masters I am talking about. And now our children are ready to take their rightful place among us. So we decide. To walk home. Where they will greet us. The earthwalker finds her roots. She knows what to do. She puts on her shoes, walks straight out the door and seeks out the sacred spring. The sacred spring will greet her kindly. And well. And she will say thank you. She will hold her face to the sky and breathe. And she will notice the leaves. And then she will talk to her daughter. About life. When she talks to her daughter about life she will set the world free. She has been walking for a long time. And she is ready to root herself in. She is ready to come home among her people. And they are ready for her. This is what the earth says now. It says, “Ah, we are finally alive.” So listen, my friends. Pick up your pen. And write the new story with me. What is your part? I know my daughter’s part. And I know mine. We write within the sacred lines. They don’t. But we do. These are the lines we know well. The earth lines. The lines of our very own bodies. Hold the earth line now. Even the walnut tree will find its leaves soon. Find yours. And I’ll continue to find mine. I know what speaks to me. It’s the new earth. It’s the sacred birth of plants and animals to freedom and life. It’s the open door for our children. What speaks to you? Call it to you now. And let it write the story for you. We are the earthwalkers together. Let’s find our way home.
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful you. You are a flower of the sweetest scent. Like a lilac. The reason I say this is because I like you. The reason I like you is because I think you are really pretty. You got prettier recently, didn’t you? So did I. I found my sacred strength. What did you do? I walked right into that pharmacy and I took my shot with the best form of grace. I said, okay, I take it on. I will not be held back any longer for taking responsibility for what is mine. That is everyone of my people. You? Or am I yours? Or is it the same thing, really? Well. Some people are still suffering out there that I am beholden to. And I decided to love them better. I really did. So I gave my body, my mind, my heart, my soul, my roots, my essence not at all to the psychiatric community or the pharmacist or to the person at the counter. Aren’t you glad? Because I decided I am in reiki with my team. Reiki means other people are constantly supporting me. Not them. Us. And how can I be taken, when they have already taken everything? How can I possibly be touched any more? Not if I am in sacred strength. I have two real treats for you. Three really. WREN. Wellness Resiliency Notes. The Twelve Steps of Resiliency. And A Rooted Wellness…A Book of Doing for Designing your Most Joyful Life. WREN and Twelve Steps are trauma release and joy finding programs. A Rooted Wellness is the Rootsong Reiki program I promised you for the Life Roots Healing System. It’s a workbook and a manual for a joyful life. Does this sound good? I already have WREN and The Twelve Steps written. They are really good. You find the way home. A Rooted Wellness is in the works. So too is A Rooted Nourishment. That is a book of vegetarian activism, food justice, recipes, staples, blessings for the table and art. I have found my way to the green mason activist community in my reiki. What a blessing that is. We work hard every day to bring forth the green world of the Pan Revolution and the New Consciousness. I am still as luminarily inclined as ever. What are you up to? The trees are really flowering red and now orange and have been for over a month but not much vibrant spring green is happening around here this year yet. But I have hundreds of dandelions and violets. Wildflowers abound. So do birds. They sing so mightily and fly so swiftly with the bumblebees and the butterflies. I am getting clearer all the time now. And spring is still in the beginning phases. How are your trees? Mine are significantly different than they have ever been before. I feel like I am doing well. And I have a good rhythm now with my work. So much is on the table all the time for me. I’m resting better and I am working better. And I know things will continue to grow every day. I love you. And I love all my people. Now that I have decided to be the activist I am meant to be for my tribe I feel God supporting me better than ever. And that too steadily gets better. The suffering dialogues grow less and less. That is my conversation with everyone who is a helper that likes to hurt me and others. That is my conversation with death and the devil inside people. But it no longer feels like my conversation with God. My conversation with God goes pretty well these days. She says I am sacred. I know you are, too. My reiki is the most sacred thing I have ever experienced. It has changed from the goddess sight to the green mason organizing site. I worry and disbelieve and fear a whole lot less than I used to. I am still not all the way home with my tribe. But I am growing closer. Not the same way I was last year or the year before or the year before. Differently now. The world is gentling. And covid is finally releasing its hold. The businesses still require masks. But a lot less people are afraid of dying because I breathe it seems when I go out. I am waiting for something. But I feel like I have found it. My mason community. It’s not phyiscal. It’s reiki. Rootsong, though. My own system where I am a center mason. And I work it everyday. So, listen. 2022 is our year. I know this. Like never before in the whole entire world. Let us just keep going. Every day brings new promise. We have come through the worst time in history. And we have suffered deeply. But I have a light now. And so do you. Shine on, my friends. And I promise I will, too.
Oh, loves. The trees are in full flower. Not the flowering trees. The others. The wind was walking today. What is a walking wind, you might ask? A wind that is determined and brave. I notice, I notice, I notice again. It goes beyond sacred listening. I suppose it’s called sacred noticing. Or perhaps sacred bravery. Are you quite brave? It takes a lot, it really does. I wish to contact you about my life. Ha. Ha. I’m just joking really. Wednesday is shot day once again. I do wish to contact you about my strife. Take it all away peoples. Please. No. Here I go again. Just when I thought I had myself together. You walk right in the door, just like you did before and wrap my heart around your little finger. Just like Dolly Parton says. I guess I don’t mind you. Not really. We have a way after all. But those others? My god. They always want and like to give me a shot in the arm. Just because they know I am not capable of anything else. How do they know? That’s really a police or a magistrate issue. I digress. I do. Because I’m thinking ahead to Wednesday. Sorry. We’ve done it so many times before. We’ll just proceed and do it again, right? Yes, I know. But when the wind starts walking and the trees blossom fully and the birds and the vultures are constantly signaling and the houses are constantly changing of those so close beside me which am I? Which am I? I am this one? This one tells the stories, this one sings the song, this one knows the place where we belong. That’s a song I wrote myself. This One. Does this one always live in the world of mental illness and SSDI or does she actually heal? They absolutely know for a fact that I will never, never, not in a million years, not for the rest of my life, which is probably twenty to twenty five years shorter than average because I have a mental disability, heal. They don’t know if I’ll remain compliant on my medication, but they know, if I don’t they’ll see me for sure. Right back where I was. Right? Twenty years ago, four years ago, two years ago. Just me, the mental patient. The chronic, eternal mental patient. Wow. That’s my absolute prognosis. And I am well aware of this fact. Take it, Beth. Just succumb. You have no responsibilities. You are paid by the government. You have no future. Like Samantha says, “How is your mental illness? What other people would say is your mental illness? Is your mind functioning the way you want it to?” Yes, actually, my mind functions fine. It always has, Samantha. I wonder if I have a point with this post or if I’m just complaining bitterly about my shot. I think it is both. My complaining and my point. My point is it is hard to throw a human life away but nevertheless it has happened to me. And my other point is that I am protesting that fact. That’s about it, so close to the anniversary of another month of not being successful in healing anything of my story or my life. My body, my mind, my heart, my soul, my roots, my essence, still theirs. Still out with my children and the rest of my family, my life out of the sight still so small and limited and disabled. And yes, the wind walked right up to me. And yes, the trees are flowering red. And yes, the hawks are my constant companions. So, whatever, I guess. Whatever, whatever, whatever. I will do as I am bidden to do by the trees, as always. Do flowers make nuts or fruit? Who can say, really, I’ve never seen such a spring. I guess I’ll just keep on watching and listening. What will you do? Let the hawk tell you I guess. Dancing with the moon in her fullness. Flying with the hawk that comes to pray. Ask the mountain who loves her children. This is what the mountain would say. This one, this one. And who is this one? Well ask, Samantha Lucas or Dr. Bashir. No one? Beth Green? Well. Not really, no. I haven’t claimed to be Beth Green in a long, long time. Does it matter? Well, I guess not. I am who they say I am. Until something mysterious decides something different. Will that ever happen? I can’t say for sure. Can you? What about you? Who are you and who is saying so? Oh. Well. Yes, lovey. I guess we’ll wait and see, won’t we?
I watch the mountains everyday now several times a day. Fascinating, really, the things I see. The architecture is always changing. So are the trees. The trees are enormous. White birches, silver birches, cedars, all kinds of oaks and walnuts. It was so balmy and warm yesterday. I went for two walks. I got two new pairs of shoes. One pair, my boots fit wonderfully but the others are cut wrong. So they kill my feet and it was a waste. I have no car so I can’t really send them back. Plus, I have no money to go anywhere. My bank account was hacked again. I straightened it out after like two hours of being on the phone with a woman who constantly apologized but the shoes really wiped me out. Waiting two weeks to get paid again. I also got like $500 of groceries from Whole Foods. So, I’m pretty broke right now. It is okay. The walks are really helping me. And I sit outside a lot and study the skyline. I’m having a little issue with faith again today after doing fine because my ex-husband contacted me about the house and I have to deal with that. I never have any warning with anyone. I’m always just going along in the sight with people and boom, they just show up with the opposite or something unexpected in my physical life. Like getting taken away in handcuffs which is pretty hard to forget. It makes me feel terribly unsafe when it happens. I think I might be the least informed person on the planet as the one that has to hold the reiki. I have learned a lot of things lately about the truth of when people say I have gone psychotic and when I have felt out of myself in some way. And it is all totally believable. And I can watch things change around me in nature and in the skyline instantaneously. I am still trapped in some isolated world somehow. But everyone that has ever truly loved me and supported me is with me now. And it is so lovely, the time we spend together and the things we discover every day. The only ones that are lost are the ones that want to be. The others are right beside me. We can’t really start studying until I am free to function in the real world. But we do learn constantly anyway. I have no complaints, really. I just got shocked again by the other world reality and I am waiting for a response and I don’t know how negative it will be. I just feel vulnerable is all. Have you been observing the spring? Have you noticed the trees changing? Have you been surrounded by birds as I have? I am constantly in the midst of the bird nation. They sing, they fly, they flock. I think I am going outside now because I hear them calling. Namaste, friends. I am expecting good things in the next four days. I just got a little discouraged by a text is all. I just don’t know if I am going to get harassed. I probably won’t though. I have to hold on and be brave once again. Wish me luck, peoples.
I am a singer and a songwriter. And I love the musica very much. They have the special touch. In the last four months we have done tons of music therapy. It’s slowed down because we have been studying other things like plants and trees and springtime. I go for these nature walks. The mason lines are amazing now, everytime I look at the skyline I see new buildings and trees. The trees are ancient like they were in 2018. But even more so now. One step, two step, one step, two. Take it away and turn around. That’s what it feels like now. Everything is getting more and more beautiful every single day. And I do have instantaneous manifesting. Not of freedom. But of changes in the earth. I heard two hawks today and had two in the sky above me. A hawk yesterday, a hawk the day before. The time of me being one hawk is over now, I think. Two hawks have come. Partners. I have long had partners. But now it’s everybody I’ve ever loved that has loved me back. And the rest are all fallen away. So many people are beautiful that I’ve always known are so. And there are some surprises for me. People that I’ve loved that the others say, no, they’ve never been good. And so it goes. Yesterday we discovered it’s all fraternal and sorrorel. Like, all these people have the same religion and they are in fraternities and sororities. And we are simply monocan Mennonites. That means we go with god and goddess. And we’ve all always known it. Not a cruel god. Or a crazy god. Just the god of love. I’m watching the earth everyday now. And it’s quite stunning. I recommend tea with bitters in it. Or port. Helps right now. I made strong black tea with sugar, lemon juice and bitters. Delicious. I also recommend calendula salve on the wrists. And dandelion essence although mine is back ordered. It’s pretty out here, and I’m doing fine. A little off sometimes still but not too bad. Studying the earth we are. Excited for the university to begin with the others. So many master teachers. Eighty PhD programs. What fun. And I will always love you, my friends. I know if you are reading this you are already with me if you are mine. We have the mothers and the fathers. The sisters and the brothers. The nieces and the nephews. The uncles and the aunts. The grandpas and the grandmas. The cousins. And we have a lot that have dropped away for their faiths. We’re doing fine though really with our loves. I got into a lot of trouble with my psychiatrist because she changed my medicine and I had confirmation of it from the pharmacist and in my body. She’s now demanding I come see her when I already told her I’m not coming til my appointment in July. I don’t know. I do my job with her. But I decided to advocate for myself. She accused me of calling her out for misconduct. Which I didn’t. Now she’s having someone call me all the time. Well, that’s still my life, too. But the instantaneous changes in the world and on my phone and the incredible love and wisdom I get all the time is proof enough for me. What are you thinking about? I’m thinking about the trees and the birds and how much I love and respect the people I am so close with now. Like I said, some fell away. But so many have gathered close. We really are the beautiful people that walk the earth. The musica. The artista. The poetica. The beauetica. So lovely, it is. So, come along loves. We have much to enjoy in this beautiful time of the living economy. Let’s take heart. Let’s take hands. Let’s really master this thing called life. I know we’re capable. I’m so blessed. So are you. Let’s just watch the earth every day and let spring surround is with its joy.
We are having many, many conversations in the sight about education, actually. If you want to join us talk to the Arch Angel Michael. What beautiful Ph.d programs we are designing. It is stunning. We have doctorates in the new consciousness. We are going to study for the next ten years everything about Pan. I am so blessed by this. We’ve had pink orange moons, blue moons, indigo moons, pink moons. The temperate climate appears to be here. We had snow blankets this winter on the mountains and the seas. It will soon be the first day of spring. For me that is February 22. We really are inside the Pan Revolution now. I am not yet free, but over two million monocans have arrived to my reiki 22 sight. You are welcome to join us if you are ready. But you have already had to decide about fifty billion times over all of your lifetimes to be good. And you can’t want to die. And you know who you are. I am so proud of my people. All of my family is with me. We’ve healed all the family lines. We are lined up in a circle of hope for the mason revolution. And we all get to study together in the sight. You should see how many masters we have. All kinds of people. All of us monocan under the Dalai lama. My son is planting a garden this year. Jalapenos, cilantro, tomatoes, scallions. I think he should plant parsley, too. He said maybe so. He is really into his compost. I’m so proud of him, too. You should taste his homemade bread and pizza. He makes the sauce himself. You know what I did in the last two weeks? I healed so much more than is really possible. So did everyone else. Come along, my friends, if you want to, seriously. We will take care of you, I promise. I saw two purple martins again, two pink cardinals, and a woodpecker. The birds are really coming out of the canopy. The trees are popping red. Everybody that ever wanted to be alive is now alive. It is a beautiful green world really in the reiki. We are moving towards something so big, so magnificent that it is beyond imagining. We are now all students of life. What more have we ever wanted to be? We are the seekers and we always have been. What do you want to do? Do you want to be free now? You can be funded to study. Joe Biden will make sure of it. You can be an American citizen. We love you if you love us. We love you if you are good. We have the new world sitting in our hands. It is a love bird. It is a little house wren. It is a little pink cardinal. It is a little stripe headed chickadee. We are eternal beings with every animal and every plant and every tree. Have you noticed the trees? They have come into their ancient ways. So have a lot of the houses. We love our cohousing cities. We love our burgeoning businesses. We love each other. The earth is really a beautiful place to live and we suddenly know it. So what do the monocans say? I’ve told you before. Go now to your dwelling place and may your days be good and long upon the earth. That’s what it is all about now, my loves. We have to go to our dwelling places. And that’s to live in beautiful homes and study at the Dalai Lama Sight University. I want you to have your opportunity to thrive now. I really do. But you have to come about it in the natural way. So figure it out with God and come to me in the sight now. I love you, I know you’re good and we will catch you up. We are all natives and we are all tribal beings. It’s up to us to decide which tribe we lay our hammer down with. So, choose your tribe. Become a monocan. I know you have already decided. Let the rest go. You are protected, you are funded and you are expected. Come along, my friends. We have a lot of work to do. And I promise, every second of it is now joy.
I like to walk to beauty way. All the time. This way to me is the right way. And it is the native way. I believe in the earth. I believe in hawks that fly and birds that come to nest. I believe in bunnies in the grass and lightening bugs in the sky. I believe in wild roses and yellow daffodils and trees that are tall. And I believe in your goodness. The way of beauty is simple to me. But it is very, very sensitive. You have to work at it sometimes. Like, in your home. You have to not let anything in that disturbs beauty. And I haven’t been able to do that for a long time. My floors need new tile and refinishing. My bathroom is beyond the place where it can be cleaned well. My walls need paint. And I need new furniture and a shed. A new couch for the sunporch. Or a new sunporch all together. I still have beauty in some rooms of my house. But most things are not cared for the way they want to be. I just don’t have the resources I need. And that was true for a long time mentally and spiritually, too. For four years things have come into my spiritual and physical and mental and emotional life that have been so, so ugly and hard. Not what I have created. Not what I have intended. Just what I was given to work with. But this past week something finally shifted in what I was given mentally and spiritually. I am fine now. Physically, I am still given a partial world. But I have my full mind, free of suffering, and a good relationship with God I think. I can’t say I have had enough time with this version of God to know, but I think it’s just fine. I know who I love and who loves me. Emotionally, I am pretty great. I am full of hope and light and belonging. Well, then, what is the actual beauty way saying? I posted a bunch of blog posts from 2019 and 2020. I had taken them down because I was so hurt that I thought they looked crazy. I was actually convinced I had no right to write. The doctors made sure of that, when they said my writing sounded kind of psychotic. I wonder, now what the people that always like to do that to me would say to the new pages I put on my website about reiki and life roots. Would you, Samantha my psychiatrist, still ask me about my illness? Do I still have to answer questions about my symptoms and my unwell mind? What would my daughter or my son say to me? Or my ex-husband? No one in my reiki thinks I should go there. Still not ready, the world, they say. Maybe they are right. Maybe I’d only be wounded again. I do think I must be slightly off to always say it’s happening now. The new world is coming I say, you are about to be free. Did you like that or did you say, “Oh God, Beth, not again!” But here I am, still trying. You have to give me that. I always try so hard for you. Well, let me go deep right now. This is what I think the actual beauty way is saying, “You have never known time, Beth, because it was beyond the veil. And you feel like you still don’t know, but look.” Okay, so I am looking. What I see is a sound. Reiki is a sound decibel on earth. It is a mason circle and a mason line. Divine feminine and divine masculine. Sacred mother earth and Sacred father sky. It has a rhythm to it. And a cadence. And a semblance. The semblance is what matters most. That’s how everything comes together in harmony. The semblance says to me that we come in two. Two lights, two loves, two hearts. 2/2022. That’s what it says. Well, we have a few more days til we get to two. And I will keep you posted. Light the sky today with your brilliance. There is a little snow on the ground in Virginia. But the birds, they keep on singing and flocking and flying and landing in the trees. I want to land in my tree this spring. I really, really do. And perhaps this time, I really can. Everything feels different now. I am sitting here without trauma or suffering or pain. And I have gone public with my life on this website and on facebook. So, let’s just see, I guess. Okay? Ok.
I Call Your Name Rain, wind, sun, rock, spirit Rain, wind, sun, rock, spirit I call your name Sing to me of your nighttime longings Call to me from your daytime work Give me a chance to thrive in your embrace I will hold you as you hold me Inside the arms of eternity
I wrote some new pieces for my website today. A book-like place to put recipes and wellness tips called Eat Your Colors. That's my vegetarian nutrition program. A coming out as being a reiki master called Reiki Roots. And a description of just what that means to me called What is Rootsong Reiki? I have another piece coming called Liferoots Wellness Studio but I am not going to publish it until I am more free and less confined by my circumstances. Which I now call being inside the earth. I got a lot of feedback in reiki that those pages actually transformed the people that read them into the master I intended them to become. My wordpress sight is being hacked again, that's why I am writing in a new font. This has happened plenty of times before, like on facebook I get no likes, comments or any kind of feedback even though I have over three thousand friends. You'd think someone would like a post or something. And I couldn't post at all for about five months last year to wordpress. I like blogging again. So, we'll have to see what happens with the hacking. It is midnight and I am still working and not tired at all. Big change from before when sleep was one of my only go-tos. I am living in the beautiful space of poems and I love it. Today I found another one as I wrote in my journal and that is what led me to write new pages for my website. Hope you like them. It all seems to make more and more sense all the time, and those pieces about reiki explain pretty much everything I want to tell you about who I actually am and what I actually do. Justice will come in some day. I know it. Everything we ever do matters, and I have done so much healing and hard work that it must matter. Or else God really is diabolical. And I know that can't be true. Well, namaste, good night and I hope to see you tomorrow. And oh, yes, I wrote a new song today. It's called Penny Wren. Love to you. Night.
My belly started speaking three days ago. It’s still speaking right now. It says spring like joy. Be a deer in the forest. Hold onto nature. It says, you are now in the driver’s seat. You are behind the wheel. I haven’t driven my life for four years. And beyond that. And I haven’t driven a car for two. It’s been a long, long while since I danced. But now I am turning on the faerie lights on my bureau. I am lighting a lot of candles. I am getting up to post in my blog instead of lying in bed and trying desperately to disappear into sleep once again. People come at me with their bad advice. But something in me has changed. I listen only so far as to hold the road. I can’t drive all over the place. I can’t go up on curbs, or travel through the snow and the mud and the grass. The untamed forest has no place for my car. I have to travel on the road as it is designed. But I don’t have to do it in an old way. I don’t have to do it in a hurt, wounded way. I can do it in an imaginative way. I can find the poem in it. And that is what I have been doing. I call this essence. I have a body. I have a mind. I have a heart. I have a soul. I have roots. And I have an essence. For about four years now I have been in my mind. And mostly that has been controlled by some outside force. It was controlled by something other than me. That sounds strange, I know. But I was always struggling against something. I was blocked, doubtful, hurt, stolen, suffering, in pain. It was the veil of the goddess light, I think. It was in fact, the sight. But three days ago something happened to me. And I am doing much better in every way. I even folded the laundry right after it was dry. I ate three meals instead of one. I stayed up for sixteen hours with no problem. I wrote in my journal. I listened to music and I actually enjoyed it. I bought supplies for a new life on Amazon. I invested in my growth and learning. And I planted my paperwhites finally. And I talked to the goddess in a gentle way. She said, Beth, what do you believe in? And I was able to answer soundly. I believe in magic. And I believe in love. And I believe in wholeness. I believe in wisdom. And I believe in health and well-being. I believe in myself. And I believe in my children. And I believe in hours and hours of life experience. So come at me with your bad advice. Go ahead. But the goddess Hawk and I are now driving this car. We’re sticking to the road. But we are no longer putting it in constant reverse. And we are not in neutral sleeping the day away sometimes anymore. We are writing. And we are thinking. And we are imagining. And we are doing it by lamplight and by candlelight and by faerie light. We are drinking lots of strong black tea with lemon and sugar. And we are eating good food. I believe in my essence. And I believe that I can create a powerful poem of manifestation that changes my whole world. There is a light within me. There always has been. But I was so wounded with the darkness of the whole entire world. God said it was necessary for my sacred purpose. To bring about justice and wellness and love I needed to be held tightly in the embrace of its opposite. That all makes perfect sense. I am, after all a sacred healer and a sacred listener. So, I healed and I listened. But I am not listening to the same track with God in my mind anymore. It feels like I am finally listening with my heart. With my toes and my fingers. With my being. But what I am listening to is not broken. It is magical and light-filled and joyous. I haven’t come all the way home yet into my right life. I am still confined by my low circumstances. I am not with the people I love yet. I am not a world recognized coach or author. I am not my sacred calling. But I let go of my sacred boundary. I am not held back by trauma anymore. As Dar Williams says, “I am sleeping fine. Sometimes the truth is like a second chance. I am the daughter of a great romance.” I am the daughter of a great romance. I am the daughter of wellness herself. I am the daughter of inspiration and wisdom. I am the daughter of beauty. And I am the daughter of a poet. And in that, I am becoming my own poet. I am becoming my own writer. My past holds me to my story written by something so huge and unfathomable yet also perfectly sensible if you know the entire story. It is written. And it has been written with love and a lot of totally unreasonable demands on my being. God was serious. There was lots to be done in the world of mental health. It was brutal in there. But I am an author of A Rooted Mind. And A Rooted Body. And A Rooted Soul. And A Rooted Heart. And A Rooted Life. And A Rooted Being. And the Life Roots Healing system. And many others in the rooted series. That comes with a lot of expectations. I know this well. So well. It has been drilled into me. “Beth, your purpose, your purpose, your purpose…” But now it’s “Beth, your calling.” That’s a totally different conversation with God. I am in love. With spring. And with hawks that fly. And with little sweet wrens that come to visit me. I am in love with the grandmother, the wise woman who has become my guide and not my tormentor. I am in love with myself. And I am finally in love with life as a river of beautiful possibility and not an unmanageable, unimaginable nightmare. I am driving on the road but my destination is the forest. And in the forest I will find my loves. Including you. This is a dance, not a lie down in pain. So dance with me, my friend. Come hold onto my hand. My heart is joy like spring. And I see that deer standing there imagining the green that is coming now. Let’s go into green together. Okay, buttercup, let’s begin again til we make it.