Circle of Women

Yesterday I went to a beautiful house in the country to let go of the past and welcome the new into my life among a circle of women. I didn’t know anyone there except the person I went with but it didn’t matter one bit. We sat in a circle around a fire and we fed our disappointments and pains to the flames. We were all so amazingly alike. There was grief over a lost husband. Heart-wrenching sadness over losing a lovely woman friend to cancer. One woman let go of the belief she had been carrying around her whole life that she was unlovable. We each wanted something new to come into our lives. More strength, more power, more joy. More of being ourselves in the world without fear or worry or feeling like we weren’t enough. I took my turn and fed some words that I had written to the fire. I silently asked for support from the group of women to change some things in my life that I have been trying to let go of for a long time. These past few years I have been working really hard on getting what I need in my life. I have been pushing myself to be what I need be in the world. I had covered myself up and held myself down for a long time because I had experienced so much pain and disillusionment with my experiences when I was in and out of the hospital and I needed to work at getting my life back together. I forgot who I was for a while and I needed to find my center again. I needed to uncover my roots and feel my feet on the earth. I needed to stretch my arms toward the sun. I needed to let the breeze be my gentle friend. But now, step-by-step, I have done that. My roots are strong. My fingertips know how to touch the sky. I have uncovered myself bit by bit and now I can see who I am again when I look in the mirror. And now, I am ready to be in a different place. I don’t have to be covered up but I also don’t have to push anymore. I can let everything that has come before be what it needs to be in my life. It’s not about staying there. And it’s not about working really hard to get where I want to go, either. It’s about noticing the loveliness that is all around me right now. It’s about a walk in the mountains where the trees stand tall. And it’s not about carving my way through the rocks with a knife to get to the waterfall.  It’s about walking along the path through the forest that leads right to the cascading stream. And standing there with the sun and the water and the rocks and listening. It’s about letting the quiet that is inside me also surround me. It’s about beauty. And I say yes.   

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