I have been noticing in the past couple of days how some of my every day decisions are based around one common theme… comfort. I haven’t really thought before how I seek out people and things that give me comfort on a regular basis but the truth is I do it a lot. I am not saying there is anything wrong with it. In fact, it might be a very natural and helpful thing to do. I am just noticing lately how much it actually drives me. And I can think of some things I’d like to find replacements for that I often think of when I want comfort. Like it has been my habit for a while to drink black tea with half and half in it when I want something a little special besides my normal green tea. But I have decided to lay off most dairy for a while until I get to where I want to go with my goals for myself regarding my physical self. Not having cream in my tea or having a hot chocolate made me realize, somehow I associate milk with comfort. Which seems strange for someone who was a vegan for fifteen years. But still true. The same with wine. I sometimes think of a glass of wine as a source of comfort and relaxation. But it ends up just making me feel sick and dehydrated in the middle of the night, so how comforting is that? And I usually want something sweet after every meal, which I often satisfy with dark chocolate, but it is not so much for the taste of the chocolate or from being hungry as for the comfort the sweetness gives me. And there are people, too. People that I seek out to feel better in the moment, even if my relationship with them might not be what is good for me in the big picture of my life. I am not trying to deprive myself of comfort. I am just noticing that feeling inside me when I am actively seeking it out. And that feeling is with me more often than I would have guessed. I think maybe if I recognize it and acknowledge it I can have more intention about how I react to it. It might very well be that I seek out a nice warm mug of hot chocolate when I have that feeling. And that’s okay. Or maybe not. Maybe I’ll do something else instead. Maybe I’ll surprise myself by finding comfort in new and unexpected ways that are also healthy and good. Maybe I’ll be open to new possibilities of beauty and joy that I never thought of before when I was seeking out comfort unconsciously. Maybe I’ll have even more choices. Maybe I’ll find comfort from the inside. Maybe real comfort will find its way into my heart and mind every day. Maybe I will actually, amazingly, find a soft place where I am truly able to rest in ease.     

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