My Twelve Year Old Best Friend Self

I decided a few weeks ago that I want to be my twelve year old best friend self. I have a very dear woman friend who I am experimenting with this idea with. It’s fun! So, when I was twelve, my summer girlfriends and I sat on the beach all day and read and talked and went swimming. Then we went home for showers and dinner and reconvened to figure out what we were going to wear out to the arcade. And we just saw each other every day and it was natural and fun and easy. We never worried about calling too much or being a bother or kept tight control on how much we could fit into our schedules. Ah, the adult world. It’s so limited. We all have so much to do and it has to be a big deal to make plans. We spend all of our time with our immediate family and nobody just stops by anymore. And we don’t want to count on our friends too much. We all need our SPACE! I started wondering what it would feel like to have at least one friend that I never worried about bothering. Someone that I called or texted whenever I had the thought to do so, just like when I was twelve. Someone I could text in the middle of the work day and say, “I am eating a delicious kale salad with dates in it RIGHT NOW and it’s so amazing!” to without thinking I was a bother. And I decided I absolutely want to show up in my friend’s bedroom and sit on her bed and help her pick out her outfit for the night. And I need help deciding which boots to buy! I need to tell someone that I spent the lovely afternoon sitting on my front porch with my dog singing songs I had almost forgotten I knew how to sing! I need to do this freely and joyfully and openly! I need to feel my twelve year old best friend self’s feelings every day! So I am doing it. And like I said, IT’S FUN!!!!!  I know some people have friends or partners or sisters or brothers or mothers or fathers like that. People in their lives that they are totally free with all the time. But that has been missing in my life for a long time. I have gotten so used to living by myself or just with my children that I have lost the spontaneity in my relationships that I used to take for granted when I was twelve. And I missed the joy and the comfort it brings to know I can always call, even if it is just to say something simple, like “I just saw the moon! Go out and look! Goodnight!” So far, it has been a wonderful experiment. I am getting more and more relaxed about it. And I am so excited about having this particular kind of freedom in my life. So thanks to my friend for letting me be my twelve year old best friend self with her and for having the courage to experiment with hers, too. I love what those two girls are bringing into my life!

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