Keep walking

For my living well group I had to come up with an action plan for myself for the next few months. Thinking about my goals and the steps I need to take for myself in regard to my body was a little jarring, it took me back to an old place that really isn’t healthy for me any longer. I got lost in the rules about how much I need to walk and do yoga (a whole lot) and what I need to eat (very little) and got right back into pushing myself hard and feeling angry that it doesn’t give me the results I want.  But it was kind of good to go to that place again because it really showed me that it is not where I need to be anymore. It is a miserable place for me to stay in. My coach and my friend helped me process where I want to be now and in the future and I just sat down with my journal and made a plan for myself that feels really good. I have gone through so many layers of fear and old stuff in the past few years. I think my negative relationship with my body is the old relationship I have held onto the longest. And now I think I am in a place where I can actually let the old pain and anger and disappointment go and embrace what I need to do for myself at this time in my life from where I am standing now. It’s easy to go back three years ago when I was so heavy and just beginning to uncover myself again and think I have to do exactly the same things I needed to do then or I will just go right back there. It is not true. I’ve literally walked hundreds of miles since then. I am not nor will I ever be back in that particular place. That is a good thing to remember. Now I am ready to explore a new pathway that is opening before me. I am ready to take my place among the trees and walk with joy and gratitude for where I have been, but mostly for the beautiful place I find myself in right at this very moment. I am ready to keep walking!

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