A Path to Take Me Home

I am too excited to sleep. The last couple of days have taken my life to a whole new place. I suddenly have a plan for myself and a path to follow for the next two to three years. One part of it is that I have focused in on what my next educational step is, which is to be a health coach. Another part is that I have focused in on the real fact that I want to become a certified yoga instructor. Both of these ideas have been forming for a long time but in the last couple of days I have found the practical application of how to get there. Well, not quite with the yoga training part but it is huge that I have decided that in the next three years I am going to dedicate a big part of myself to the practice of yoga in a way that is both curious and powerful. I have time to develop both of these ideas but I feel amazing and whole just knowing that I have set myself on a path that is completely achievable and profoundly satisfying to me and who I have long dreamed of becoming. I haven’t had a concrete vision like this for myself for a long time, at least not one as big as this, for a while I have just been reacting to what has shown up in my life as I have opened myself to going further and further into my healing journey. The other day I was on my back deck with old friends who are becoming new friends and I realized that I have this chance to become free inside my life in a way I used to catch glimpses of that I completely lost along the way. I realized that these old friends knew me before I ever got sick and they knew me during when I was sick and now they know me when I have become well. And I also realized that the space is opening for me to have a new possibility of who I am in the world based on who I have always been and who I choose to become, not just based on what I went through. My friend said I don’t allow myself to be the person I was before I got sick, she said all I allow is who I was during and after. In the past ten years I have been reacting to what happened when I got lost for a while in an inexplicable place that is called by some mental illness. Now I feel like I can be real again in the world as me and not just as someone who has recovered from a deep wound that for a long time had to consume all of my attention and care. Tonight I went to a singing group and tomorrow I am going to a women’s circle. When I meditate I keep seeing lots of green leaves. I think this means I have laid the foundation of my circle of roots in the ground and I have also stretched as far as I need to into the sky with my branches. Now it is time to explore the green abundance of summer through the lushness of my leaves.

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