Always a Student

Sometimes you can get a lot of positive attention for doing something people think is good. I have been getting good feedback about my writing lately. And truly, it feels awesome. I am feeling this joyful yet humble inner light seeping into everything I do, because all that I have done to get to this place is now being recognized in the world in a really wonderful way. I am feeling like a bird whose wings were once clipped who now has the freedom to fly. And then this weekend I went to a yoga workshop. And I remembered what it feels like to be a beginner. A student that has a long way to go to get even close to the place where her teachers have already arrived.  It’s good to reminded that no matter how much success we have in our lives there are always those places where we are students. I can be a student of yoga for the rest of my life and always have further to go in my practice. At first being in a class with a lot of very thin and fit and beautiful women who can actually do handstands and backbends with ease was triggering my feelings of comparison and inadequacy. My persistent question is, “Am I enough?” And being in that room struggling to keep my balance in tree pose while trees stood tall all around me was bringing up all that old stuff inside of me that screams “NO!” to that question, “You will never, never be enough!” But then a friend reminded me that it is good to be a student. It is not only good, it is necessary. I don’t have to have a perfect yoga body tomorrow. The important thing is that I honor my body where it is now and offer it ample opportunity through exploration and joy to go where it wants to go. And the same is true with my writing. I will always have further to go. It feels good to be acknowledged for what you have already done. But I am also realizing that it can feel just as good to be in a place of new learning. So, here’s to the joy of seeing the seeds you planted coming into blossom, but also to the joy of knowing that there will always be another season for new seeds and new blossoms to come.

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