What won’t let go

I was willing to give it all up. This. You. The steady beating of my heart that calls me Home. Not forever. Not permanently. Just for a while. Just until I could take care of some of the more mundane responsibilities of my life. People rise up to support that type of thing when you offer it up to the world; following your dreams sounds great they say, but don’t go too far in that direction, you must be practical, don’t put too much stock in dreams. There are bills to be paid, compromises to be made, there is only so much a dream can handle. There is only so far that stardust and rainbows can take you. So, I tried to leave my most sacred yearnings in a flower pot by the front door where they would be safe until I could come back to them. I was fine with it. Yes, I have a calling. Yes, the calling keeps getting stronger and stronger until I feel it enveloping me moment by moment like a jar full of freshly churned butter. Yes, I am awake and aware to the size of what I am really here to do. But still, I was willing to let it all go. Because I felt like I had to. Because nothing seemed to be working with any predictability in the bottom line of my life. And it’s still not. Not where it can be seen, anyway. And yet, guess what? The thing I was willing to let go of wouldn’t let go of me. The paths I pursued to go away from Home didn’t end up taking me anywhere. Except back here. Writing into the night. To you. It turns out that stardust and rainbows are just about the only thing I can count on still being here. It seems that the stuff of dreams that makes me sob with recognition is the only thing that I can predict. It’s the stuff I am made of, after all. It wouldn’t let me forget. Not even when I tried to do what the world likes to say is the right thing. So here I stand in the same place I’ve been standing for quite a while, in the doorway of freedom. I am so glad you’re still here with me. I don’t know what the universe has in store for us. I can’t say where the next place we go will be. But I can feel your heartbeat inside my own. I can feel every dream, every sacred yearning of our dear tribe pulsing in me like the music of the spheres. I can feel where we have been, and I can feel that nothing will take us away from where we are meant to go. I can feel freedom singing in my ear. Let’s just see where her song takes us.