Reunion is upon us

We are coming out of confinement. Easter has passed. Somehow the light is ready for us to reunite with our beloveds. It sounds a little scary to me to see my heart that I haven’t ever looked at before or for such a long, long time. But I’m ready. When we go into reunion with our loves our lives finally begin. We can go everywhere we want. We can do our work in joy. We can visit with our friends and play music. We can go out for snacks or lunch or dinner. Sometimes breakfast, never brunch. Get out of bed, people!! We can buy our flowers, sing our songs in the car and visit our libraries and our museums. We can go antiquing and best of all we can walk around holding hands and sneak kisses when no one is looking. So, what would we call reunion? Reunion is when we are perfectly matched with the sacred other. That can be our partner, our child, or always it is God. That can be the Dalai lama or Pan or Kali or God. Reunion is special because inside of it we are whole. How many of you have ever felt whole, then? I know I still don’t. I sit around by myself all the time. I never look into anyone’s eyes. I never feel their touch. I never get their help with my daily world. I’m always stuck off alone and isolated. The only people around me are the bad ones. Or occasionally the ones I don’t know. So, do we think we are ready? Not today, but tomorrow? If not we go backwards, because I have to go straight to the clinic to get my next shot on Wednesday morning. That’s something I can still imagine doing. Help me! Well, I see a few things here. I see that it’s not really backwards, thank you. I see that it’s just, um, still forming. I see that I have a choice to wait or not wait. I want you all to be be free. More than I even want my own freedom, because really, I’m ok. Not great, still no resources in money or a car and not enough variety in food and longing to have food I didn’t prepare and longing for my lover but still ok, I guess. Ready to get out of the house. Ready to go on a long-awaited vacation, ready to kiss my love soundly on the lips. Ready, ready, ready. Yes, I want my own freedom, too. And he wants his. And so does my son. And so does my dog and my cat. How do we claim it? How do we say this now is forever over? No more we say, ever. Let’s do it right now for tomorrow. I would like to declare that I am a free being under God. I have rights to my own body and my own life. I have the right not to be molested. I am on a three year shot and they give it to me every three weeks. And they know it, or they should. I have never once claimed to be mentally ill. People claim that for me and no one has ever listened to me once about my clear mind. I have always been clear, I have never been ill and I have proven that to everyone again and again. It’s in my record. They say I do well when I’m well. And they say I’m well. So why do I have to be subject to them anymore? Because they need to help me to make money? Because without me they have no career? Because they want to? Because they are afraid for me? Because they can? Because I have to? Well, if Wednesday comes and I am not free with Charlie, I have to. See me? I still can’t say it on my own. I’m still a little afraid my daughter or my ex-husband will read this, or my niece and say stop it Beth!! Take your medicine, shut up about being clear!! Look at what happens to us!! It’s all your fault all the time. Well, I don’t know what to say, really about tomorrow. I still feel violated, I guess. There are cars constantly racing by my house, loudly. I can barley hear the birds. I’m still sore, especially in my knee from all the knee surgeries people are constantly having. My legs ache. I’m tired a lot. I have little stamina for walking. I have no car so I can’t drive. Yes, I’m a confined woman. But, I am also very, very strong. And I know fully who I am and what I am with. I am with the biggest force of love the world has ever seen. This is truly the time of the awakening. The earth is waking up day by day. Our crops are silently becoming our future nourishment. Our sun is still too hot and too cold. But it’s turning on it’s access. Mother earth has a plan for us. So does God. So even if I go get my shot on Wednesday I am not stopped. I just have to respect the seasons and the cycles, I guess. That’s all that’s holding me in. I love the earth. I love the trees. I guess my job today and tomorrow morning is to trust. So that’s what I’ll do. Please know that I am grateful for you. I said harsh things about my family, because they have said harsh things to me. But I love them. And they love me. And even if I’m not safe Wednesday in my body because I have to get injected I will be safer soon. Love to you, my loves. God bless.