It’s got to end somewhere, or is it begin?

I dont know what to do. I really don’t. There is a part of me that’s still not safe. A big part. I want to be safe. Inside reunion. But I’m not. Are you? I guess as long as I’m not you’re not either, right? Ok. What do we do? We want tomorrow to actually be tomorrow. We want everything to fall into place in the morning just like the moon and the stars and all the planets say it will. So, what? What is the final curtain call of this evil world that separates us and desperately tries to make us so, so small all the time? I always just about get there and it feels fine for a time but then there’s so much more. I say each time, now we’re really getting good. Now we’re done with this, now we’re done with that. And mostly we are. Do I sound resigned? I’m not. Just a little overwhelmed with the ending that never comes. So let me look at it as a beginning. Let’s try that. What is it the beginning of? It’s obviously the beginning of love. Forever love. That’s as sweet as pie. And what do I need to relax right into it? Hmm. I would say faith but that’s not the whole story. I need a man. I need a husband. I need Charlie. I can’t come to him. He has to come to me. And I know how he does it. He walks in on his solid Pan feet. And I say, “Hello there, Charles.” And he says, “Hi!!” And then we are finally, at long last, at the beginning. The true beginning of everything. And we drive off in our car and the entire world falls into place under the guidance of the trees. So how does that happen tomorrow morning? Let me pray then. Dear God, I need a miracle. I need something so surprising and spectacular that it lights up the world with it’s grace. I need an ending. An ending to not having. And ending to separation. An ending to long work alone. Dear God, I need a beginning. A beginning to love. A beginning to belonging. A beginning to coming home. Let’s see what God says. God says, Beth, you are at the sacred root. The cosmic opening. The place where two means one. Listen for the sound of hawk. What does she say? She says I am the wind blowing softly. What else does she say? She says I am the blossoms on the trees. She says I am beauty. Well, what are you then, Beth? I am beauty, too. Of course you are, dear one. Do you trust me? says God. Yes, I do. Do you trust Charlie, dearest? Yes, I do. Then wake up in the morning and let us unfold you. Okay, God, I will.