Conversations with God

I saw three striped headed chickadees out my window. And a wren playing on a palette. Then two wrens came into my house. Another peeked in yesterday but saw me and flew away. I can sometimes get the wind to talk to me. Either a wild or a gentle stirring. Yesterday I felt like time finally spoke. I know said a long time ago it was almost over. Well, me, always the hopeful one when I’m writing to you. Has it turned out to be true for you? I can only hope it has. As Carrie Elkins says, it’s been a long, long while since my face touched the sky. That’s a pretty song, Call it my Garden. That’s how I feel about now. The same glasses that fill me eventually fall and I take the pieces and I plant them all. And I’m thankful for it. I’ve had a hard, hard time of it. Like out of bounds to infinity. But yesterday I finally heard my conversation with God and the angels as it really has been. In my soul. Dear Beth, they said, it’s 2018 and there’s a restraint chair on every ward of the hospital. They announce when they are strapping someone in on the loud speaker. Dear Beth, you know David, right, you know Jim? Well how about this one or that one. That brilliant brilliant one, the math? Or the radio announcer or the financial analyst, or the musician? Beth, they’re doing their best, what about you? Who will speak to the system they are confined in their whole lives if not you? I said out loud to the goddess, oh my god I’d rather die than do what you are saying, I said to the angels in my soul everytime of course I will. I know, that doesn’t make any sense to them. How can I possibly be hospitalized five times in three and a half years unless I deserved it? Well mostly from sitting in my house. Or once because my car disappeared. But now I know the dialogue I have with God. And that has freed me a lot. Because I accept who I am. You could try it. What’s your dialogue like? You have a soul story that runs you unconsciously like I did. But now mine’s conscious at least. You could say I’m feeling hopeful. And blessed by who I am. How about you? Yes, I do become more conscious every day. And there’s plenty more days to come. I have so much love with me. So much good work to do. That’s my experience. And no one really takes that away from me anymore even though I used to let them all the time. Life is quantum. It’s a holographic universe. People have souls and bodies and cells that are designed by God. By nature. Who am I do discount that after years of experience with it? No one, really, although I’m still tempted to right now. That world of what they call science and medicine is a pretty insidious world. Doubt reigns. Come along with me for a minute. And believe in the beating of your heart. Who are you, my beautiful friend? I have had years now to practice my new life in the new world. Don’t you think it’s almost here? I do. Pretty soon I’ll be seeing you on the other side of this long dark trevail into covid and death. I look forward to it. Do you?