Category Archives: Root

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There is something scary about God when you’ve been to the places that I have been. Although I am beginning to believe that once you really know God for what God is it is impossible to be scared of anything.  But anyway, for a long time I was scared. I thought maybe if I stayed away from all things spiritual as much as possible I would be safe and not have to go to those places that brought so much devastation into my life before.

At one time in my life, I went so far into the spiritual it turned into the dark instead of the light. I was hoping for angels and healing and I got psych ward instead. Not once, but four times. In two years. I lost my children. I lost my tether. I lost everything.  Slowly, slowly, I built my life back again. I was sad and heavy and quite a bit lost. I was very afraid for a long time. I couldn’t understand what had happened to me and I was doing everything I knew how to do to try to keep it from happening again. Which meant I stayed away from everything that had to do with spirituality and my own internal passion for a connection with God.

And then I started thinking about my friend, the tree. And I started connecting my spirituality to that. What could be scary about a tree? It’s tall and silent.  It’s solid and strong. It stands there asking for nothing but what comes to it and yet it manages to get everything it needs from the soil and the sky. Best of all, it has roots. Deep, winding, ferreting roots. They go right into the earth. Right down there in the dark and they touch everything. Everything that lives on the earth is connected to those roots. The tree doesn’t move from its place but it can sense all other trees and all life through the foundation that runs beneath us.  The tree is one with all life on earth. And it knows it.

Did I mention my other favorite thing about the tree? It has branches! They reach toward the sky! They touch heaven and live for the sun and the wind and the rain.  Sometimes the branches are alive with green leaves.  Abundant leaves. Or fruit or flowers or pinecones.  The branches are always there, reaching and swaying and just being open to what lives above us.

My friend the tree saved my life. It brought me back to God in its own gentle way. When I would be aching for spiritual connection I’d think of the tree. I’d imagine my own roots, my own branches. Why the very veins that course through my body are so incredibly root-like! And my muscles and my bones and all of me really, solid and rooted as a tree.  And I too am connected to all that is earth and sky. I can stand rooted and swaying gently with the wind and all I need will come to me. I can go into the quiet darkness of what holds me and feel one with all that walks above and below.

Touching the tree with my heart opened me to prayer. I would go for a daily walk and stop and pray at my special tree in the park. I’d send my thanks and my wishes up through its branches, knowing it would be safe there in the place where earth touches sky. I knew I would be safe, too. I trusted the tree to keep me grounded. I still remembered the time in my life when I became so very ungrounded, and I didn’t trust myself to pray or meditate without a tree to ground me because I thought maybe I’d disappear into that place again.

Through beginning to explore prayer with the tree as my anchor I began to touch that place in me again that loves to feel my face touch the sky. That place in me that longs, longs, longs for God.  Even when I kept myself small and afraid I felt that longing. I didn’t dare to touch it, though. But I felt it in my heartbeat. Now the longing is less and the belonging is more. The tree has taught me. Once I began with the tree I started feeling safer and I let my branches unfurl. But first I had to start with my roots. Because those are what I lost when I lost everything. My roots literally went flying around in the sky. I couldn’t hold onto anything.  I was holding onto the world by the thinnest thread. Thankfully, I was able to come back.

And I came back as a tree. Now I know about my roots. I know how vital they are to keeping a place in this world.  And I know now that I have a place just for me. A place where my roots are free to go deep, deep into the earth and sustain me. They are strong and winding and beautiful. And they let me focus on my branches. With my roots anchored in the soil I am able to stretch as far as I want into the sky. I can show the world my leaves and my blossoms and my fruit. I can feel the sun and be nourished by the rain. The wind doesn’t bother me. I let it brush through me like a caress.

My branches are becoming just as winding and beautiful as my roots. They let me stand open to what is all around me. They let all that wants to come to me find its way to me on the breeze. I am connected to everything. Including God. Including my own spirituality. I am not afraid of it anymore. I learned to trust again. Once I learned to be rooted the trust slowly unfurled all the way into the tips of my branches. Leaves started growing there. God speaks to me gently now. 

My spirituality, which once almost took me completely out of the very ground I am born from has now found roots and the very experiences that devastated me have transformed my life. My connection with my spirit has grown strong again. I know where I am meant to stand, even if I don’t know what will find me here. I would never have gotten to this place that I call my own without first having been nearly ripped from it. And oh, how precious it is to me now that I know what it is like to almost lose it. I found my way back to my patch of soil and let myself grow in equal measures toward the earth and the sun, like all trees do.  And yes, it is beautiful here.  Just me and all those other trees. And believe me, I plan to stay.

A Rooted Mind After All is Live

It’s up and ready. Hope you enjoy. I have no idea what is next for us. Do you? I wrote this book, both sections, long ago now, and it just wasn’t time to send it into the world’s hands and hearts. Now I’ve given it to you. Use it well, little wren. It’s definitely, definitely long past time to pick up your penn. But I know you just couldn’t. See what the world lets you do now, lovey.

A Rooted Mind After All

I just submitted a new/old book to Amazon for publishing. It is the updated version of A Rooted Mind. I wrote it one month after I got out of the state hospital from the long term throw-away ward in January 2019. It has new chapters and the version of the original book is the one that I wrote before it was edited by the publishing company. It is a paperback and on kindle. This books delves into life as an activist for the Life Roots tribe. I don’t want anybody to be hurt anymore. This book comes five years after I first went back into the system and I am still not yet free to live and thrive with my tribe. Are you? I include animals in my thirst for justice. I want every being to be free. And that includes you and me. I hope you enjoy this new edition of an old book from 2014. I’m still writing, still working, still trying. I keep on keeping on. Maybe you can find me at home some day soon. I truly hope so. And maybe we can finally have that long awaited cup of tea or sake. Love gets stronger and more tangible daily now. But it is like the velveteen rabbit, still not all the way real. I hope to be real soon. As I always have. Enjoy this book. It is for you, my love. You should be able to see it on Amazon by May 3 or 4.

What You Know is True

What you know is true, is true. Listen to that statement and let it anchor in your body. Feel how it affects you in your belly, in your heart, in your mind. Because that is where we are right now. We have been moving into this place for a very long time. And we are ready to embody a new understanding of ourselves and the world now. And what we know is true, IS true. And that’s what we are being asked to follow. So, what do you know is true? Where has your heart been telling you to go? What have your hands been longing to hold? What song is yours to sing? What right action is yours to take in the world? How can everything you believe and feel and know become everything that your life is about? If you are not ready to move into the world, move into yourself first. Move deeply into what you know. And let nothing stop you from honoring that knowing. Stop listening to the voices on the outside. Find your inner voice, your inner guide, your inner belonging. You are not here to do what everybody else is doing. You are here to be only who you are exactly designed to be. And to do that you need to trust the voice inside you above all other voices. The good voice inside of you. The voice that comes from love. The voice that comes from your most essential truth about the core of who you are. The voice that knows kindness, and compassion and has a purpose for you and for the rest of us. That is what we are being called to right now. We are being called to use our highest and best voice. We are being called to pour our love into the world in the purest and clearest way we can dream up. And first we need to do that inside ourselves. We need to let go of fear, and anger, and smallness. We need to open our hearts fully to the truth of who we are and what we are here for. And then we can do that for the world. Find time right now in this time of chaos and unrest and deep awakening to drop deeply into your center. Find the stillness inside of you where everything is born from. Look at what your commitments are and acknowledge the true scope and breadth of your power. And then open yourself to the guidance and support that is available to you now more than ever to start using that power. Create loving stillness and space around what you know is true. Find and trust your highest understanding. And then share it with the rest of us. We need you to be who you are.

Spring Shine

The spring is shining like a purple pear
Lovely, lovely in the air.
Holding on to yellow fronds.
Listening to hearts and bonds.
Making sacred justice sing.
Climbing up the faerie ring.
I wish I could sing like her
Every day at peace with gold
But old things rise against me still
Like it seems they always will.
I love, I love
I do, I do.
And I work hard to be the glue
that holds everything together.
But in my mind there's stormy weather.
Alas, it's always up to you.
My friend the little blue wren blue.
Will you come to me at last?
And will you hold my hand real fast?
Injustice shows its face to me.
Sometimes I'm aghast at what I see.
What people to do monetize
the plants, their clients, the sacred hive.
But yesterday the bees were near
Buzzing round the pink quince bush.
A little fly decided to join.
I hope the bees give him the push.
He needs to be not so bad.
Bad people make us really sad.
And quince, oh quince she is so dear
That I can put away my fear.
A golden mountain
A break at dawn
A little wren
A little fawn.
Great nature speaks to lively air
I am the worm on the stair.
Or maybe they are
I'm waiting now for the sun. 
It shall rise
I know it's true
Then God will tell me what to do
We'll have some tea
Perhaps some cake
If I don't die before I wake.