Category Archives: Uncategorized

Something gentle

Something gentle is now happening to me. 1/22/2022 was a rough day. Lots of the same old shenanigans with god. Suffering, pain, the whole nine yards. 1/23/2022 was a neutral day. But oh, on 1/24/2022 everything started to change. And by nighttime I was in joy. And it has continued into right at this moment. I feel like I left the suffering of being a channel behind forever now. And Grandmother Hawk has become so sweet and kind to me. I just hear her gently in my head or I sense what she is saying to me. She has become a gentle, loving guide. I have real goddess now and she is a wise grandmother. That suits me just fine. I understand so much about my sacred calling now. I know what I am meant to be for the world. A teacher of meditation. I took on being a writer of programs. I took on being a wise woman again in my healing interests. And I took on a new way of healing my mind, body and spirit. I see that I have not been very grounded in my body. I have been holding all of this light and darkness in my third eye. I have been very focused on the mind. I feel it as a physical sensation. Like a block mostly. But just today I changed how I address my fear and my resistance to life. I found a way to softly go into the poem of my mind instead of tackling the fear head on. I have long known that I am Hawk. That’s my other name. Like Kali Ma is. My goddess names. Like Beth is my writing name. But the poem of my mind told me that I am a house wren in my heart. Like the ones that come into my house frequently to visit. What I am designed for most is to create a beautiful, inspirational, lovingly cared for nest. That’s my mind, body, heart and soul. I love to make beauty. And I love to call people home. I see that what I have been calling the sight is now Reiki 22. That’s brand new to the world. That’s the healed communication system of the planet. It’s holy communion with God, other people, animals and trees. And it is a beautiful, beautiful gift. Reiki is the spirit. Meditation and poems is the mind. And the physical self is the body. We really have three parts. Body, mind and spirit. And I understand all three now in a new way. And I understand what I do. And I see that I am not yet a master of all three. I really am now a master of the spirit. Of reiki. And I was too much in suffering before to be a master of my mind. But I believe fully now that I have passed through that long, difficult, dark, dark night of healing A Rooted Mind. And now I am working on A Rooted Body. And a Rooted Heart. My soul is fully rooted. I have now completed A Rooted Soul in my understanding. That’s millions of hours in the sight. That’s being a reiki master. I know that once I am fully embodied physically in A Rooted Body I do what my book promises. I become a master and I am awake, free and fulfilled. I know nothing will ever touch me again negatively once that happens. Because I will be a fully grounded, well, whole person. Everything is now starting to shift. I am making new commitments. I have had some resistance because it’s hard to know how to change long-established rhythms. But I ordered some plants and potting soil and tea on Amazon to begin writing. And I started a new journal. And I listened to music. And I got out of bed instead of lying around past sleep. And now I am writing a blog post at 4am. I feel good. I really do. I have 6000 angels at my side. That’s long been promised and awaited. And I’m told that it comes increment by increment. One step at a time, as always, but boy are these steps so much better and more fun. In the last two days I have changed so much. I am growing suddenly, but not through old painful measures. Through new inspiring ways. It is nearly February 1 now. And to me spring is February 22. That’s been my first day of spring since my daughter was born in 2000. Today my son spent all day up on a ladder trimming the hedges that have been overgrown for four years. And he is composting and planning a garden. These are the signs I look to. And my own body, mind and spirit. It’s been a long, long road through hell. But I am well on my way to wellness and new growth now. I can feel it. So expect great things from me. Because I am your sister wren. And I have a nest to build this spring. And when I am finished building it I will invite you over for tea. Love to you, as always. I am beginning anew. Are you?

Spring

Oh, we are springing. Springing forward every day now. It is actually, the new year. 2022. Looks like death still, doesn’t it? Everywhere you go people are masking themselves against certain destruction from someone else’s breath. Okay, let’s just breathe. Freely. For once in about five years since Donald Trump first became our president. Not to say he still is. But some people even cling to that. I think Joe Biden is doing just fine for us. That’s what I hear anyway. But I’m a weird girl. Well, spring is surely coming in a month or so. February 22 is always my first day of spring. I gave birth to my 2000 girl Chloe Fern on that day. At 2:22am. She was 22 inches long and 122 ounces. And without fail the crocuses appear on that day every year since then for me. So, she’ll be 22 this year. I always thought I’d have something different to say to her when she was eighteen. Then I thought twenty. But that was only a year of pure hell. Which started when she was eighteen actually. And she still hasn’t forgiven me fully for that digression into the mental health system. But oh, I say hesitantly, 22. Yes. The sweet year. She’s doing great all on her own. Graduation with her master’s degree tomorrow in fact. From the University of London. Wow, what a girl. But, oh right, I’m her mother. Not exactly a shining star for the past four years. Before that I kind of was. So last year on 2/22/2021 I wrote on my calendar “came in.” And I meant it. After three and a half years of going in and out of the hospital and then just barely existing under covid I came in to a new version of my work. Still isolated, still alone. Still in the sight but much more real in every way. And I have worked so tirelessly day and night since then. It’s been very beautiful really. I have healed so much. And I have written so much. So many programs, so many hours of creating a green world. My psychiatrist just asked me this week, “How’s your illness?” Well this is what she really means, “How’s your work for God?” “Well, fine,” I said. “Does your mind function, are you making sense, can you carry a thought?” “Yes,” I said. But not convincingly, I’m sure to someone who doesn’t ask me how my book is going, doesn’t ask me about my work. Doesn’t ask me my experience of life, but asks “How are your symptoms?” And, “How is your illness?” So, here, you see me, right? Still in the same exact old boat? But oh, spring. Didn’t I say this last spring? I did, in fact. But what is life anyway? But a progression into wholeness. So, I am much more whole than ever. I haven’t succumbed to death yet although I’ve felt like it many times. It’s just a pure impossibility with my version of existence. So here we sit, on the cusp of spring. It’s snowing out right now, but the leaves are starting to bud red on the trees. The birds are constantly singing. Only about five more weeks, really. Then new life returns. With all of my heart and soul, with every single fiber of my being I hope that means that I am finally permitted to be reborn. If I’m not still, then what? I go forward. Endlessly forward. But we are moving into something, aren’t we? Please tell me yes. We must be. Everything I’ve done must matter, because it just does. Every step we take counts, I think. So let’s step boldly and without fear. Let’s step without remorse and complaint. Breathe, I say. Deep inward breath. For the good of spring.

Sense

I was just reading back over my blog. I find myself interesting. I am always honest. And quite different from everyone else. And I am always saying I’m about to be free. Now, I’ve just heard that again two days ago. Free by Christmas this time. And so the story goes. But it is almost 2022. And things always happen to me this time of year. So, once again, let’s just hold the hope. I don’t know. I’m always inside something that is the next story. For the new consciousness. For the second coming if you want to call it that. I have worked so hard on bringing the world to the new consciousness. But I do it in the sight. Since February real people, real leaders have been in the sight with me and it’s totally grounded in them too. I know this after a gazillion hours of direct experience of what can only be called millions of conversations. Yes, conversations with God. But God as real people in their bodies and no longer just in their souls like they used to be. I haven’t been in my soul. My soul is in my body. But they were for years. Oh, it’s not that complicated really. It’s quantum physics. And it all makes perfect sense. I don’t have much credibility with the people around me. Who talks in the sight? Well, I’ve already told you where I’ve been because of it. But I didn’t tell you what they did to me there. But that’s quite a story. And I do, in fact, have a voice. And so does God. I’ve been told all along that my story matters. A lot. Just one story maybe, but the story of a woman who knows how to make sense. A story of a writer and a coach and just listen to this, a human rights advocate. A perfectly designed story. I didn’t design it. God did. I designed the living economy. And I designed a lot of wellness programs over the last ten months. I design lots of things. I’ve been on this healing journey for twenty years. Solstice is my anniversary. And I’ve written about it. But I didn’t not design the last four years of hell. My daughter thinks I did. But God did. For the new consciousness. For justice. For the new world. I told my daughter that the other day. She just said she’s been in hell but it’s not hers so she can’t claim it. I don’t claim it either. But I know it well. People can’t see, except the people in the sight with me. They have heard everything about my story. And when you hear everything it makes more than sense. It makes a revolution. It makes a master. I was wounded terribly. The mental health system is one huge gaping wound. Live among the people in it, like I did, and see. No, you wouldn’t want to. And I did. So who else has to? I told my daughter I am not nothing. And I have been very successful in my life. But I listen to God. And God has taken me to places most people don’t go to. But I said there is a purpose. There is a design at work. I have a purpose. It’s not to be on disability and report to the mental health clinic for my shot, the same one where I used to work and where I know everyone well. It is to heal the violence. It is to bring about justice. And it’s more than that. That’s one part of what I did. I also designed the pan revolution. I still do. I participate with world leaders and masters in creating something beautiful that is green. Covid has taken the world to grey. Death is always immediate. But some of us didn’t actually die. I went into covid before most because I went in in 2018. That’s when my hell started. I don’t blame God. She knew what she was doing. My daughter just has to wait and see. So does my son. Maybe it’s soon. Maybe it’s not. I’ll let you know for sure. But this really is a story that makes sense. I wasn’t really crazy or psychotic or delusional. I was with God. A lot of stuff has happened to me. But I lived through it. Let’s look forward to the future. My story will continue to make sense, because it already does. It’s been a long while that I’ve been working on this. Twenty years. Let’s just continue looking at the world. And doing our work. And being with God. And letting her design us. As our partner and our deepest love. Do you believe in a 2022 light? I do. Mostly anyway. I’ve had too many experiences of being on the cusp and nothing changing in my life to be certain about anything regarding freedom now. But I’m doing ok. I have a lot of love. And I have a lot of sense. Ok, friends, thanks for listening. I love you. Hope you are getting ready for Christmas. And I hope I get to spend it differently this year.

Soul Root

I’ve been thinking. If we are not allowed to have souls in our society, then what? I know that’s what I’ve been told over and over. There’s no such thing as a soul. Or you shouldn’t talk to yours. This is dangerous for everyone, they say. To be a soul then? And to be fully embodied in my soul? To know who I am and to finally embrace and understand God as love? I see now that just like I say in A Rooted Body, there really are masters walking the earth. And I can communicate with them. And this is God. And that’s so lovely. And I feel so much better. I have a soul. So do you. And I am fully embodied as a soul. I have been for twenty years. What a journey!! I don’t much believe in disease. But certainly most people do. I believe that our bodies and our minds and our hearts and our souls are designed for wholeness. Cut your finger. See what happens. Your body knows what to do. I work on this wholeness in myself every day. Do you hear a call? I do. It’s to trust fully now. I have seen every side of this story. Except the version where we are fully in the green world. But it’s nearly 2022. In 2016 I wrote that it was coming. Then again in 2020. But now surely after covid something worthwhile and new can happen. Yes, it must be so. I think I let go of the last of my fear and resistance this morning. I am a sacred listener. A sacred healer. Those are my own words. I am a rooted body, a master of my own heart and soul. My mind is coming along now to listen to love. I listen more than I speak. I come where I am called to. I am always willing to go where I am sent. I have a soul that likes to find Grace. I hope this Christmas all souls are embodied in love. I think it’s a new time and I sense that we are further along than we’ve ever been. Life has been stopped long enough. Let’s celebrate the love we feel and admit that we are magical beings with souls. Even if it’s not allowed. Merry Christmas.

Conversations with God

I saw three striped headed chickadees out my window. And a wren playing on a palette. Then two wrens came into my house. Another peeked in yesterday but saw me and flew away. I can sometimes get the wind to talk to me. Either a wild or a gentle stirring. Yesterday I felt like time finally spoke. I know said a long time ago it was almost over. Well, me, always the hopeful one when I’m writing to you. Has it turned out to be true for you? I can only hope it has. As Carrie Elkins says, it’s been a long, long while since my face touched the sky. That’s a pretty song, Call it my Garden. That’s how I feel about now. The same glasses that fill me eventually fall and I take the pieces and I plant them all. And I’m thankful for it. I’ve had a hard, hard time of it. Like out of bounds to infinity. But yesterday I finally heard my conversation with God and the angels as it really has been. In my soul. Dear Beth, they said, it’s 2018 and there’s a restraint chair on every ward of the hospital. They announce when they are strapping someone in on the loud speaker. Dear Beth, you know David, right, you know Jim? Well how about this one or that one. That brilliant brilliant one, the math? Or the radio announcer or the financial analyst, or the musician? Beth, they’re doing their best, what about you? Who will speak to the system they are confined in their whole lives if not you? I said out loud to the goddess, oh my god I’d rather die than do what you are saying, I said to the angels in my soul everytime of course I will. I know, that doesn’t make any sense to them. How can I possibly be hospitalized five times in three and a half years unless I deserved it? Well mostly from sitting in my house. Or once because my car disappeared. But now I know the dialogue I have with God. And that has freed me a lot. Because I accept who I am. You could try it. What’s your dialogue like? You have a soul story that runs you unconsciously like I did. But now mine’s conscious at least. You could say I’m feeling hopeful. And blessed by who I am. How about you? Yes, I do become more conscious every day. And there’s plenty more days to come. I have so much love with me. So much good work to do. That’s my experience. And no one really takes that away from me anymore even though I used to let them all the time. Life is quantum. It’s a holographic universe. People have souls and bodies and cells that are designed by God. By nature. Who am I do discount that after years of experience with it? No one, really, although I’m still tempted to right now. That world of what they call science and medicine is a pretty insidious world. Doubt reigns. Come along with me for a minute. And believe in the beating of your heart. Who are you, my beautiful friend? I have had years now to practice my new life in the new world. Don’t you think it’s almost here? I do. Pretty soon I’ll be seeing you on the other side of this long dark trevail into covid and death. I look forward to it. Do you?

Hello

I am able to blog again. I don’t know why. It’s been blocked from me since June. But it’s a new season. I am not yet free. I have so much I want to do. So much I wish to say. But yesterday I put on my calendar “an ending.” Last time I wrote to you four long and work- filled months ago I said we were on the cusp. Well just yesterday we came to a new cusp. And once again I hope it’s the end to suffering and the beginning to life in wholeness. I have worked hard for you since I last wrote. And I have grown a lot. I read some chapters from A Rooted Body today. I wrote that four and a half years ago. And it said the new consciousness was with us. It wasn’t with you then, but it was with me. Then I went into a hell so deep and long that I changed completely into someone new. A finely crafted and honed version of my best and brightest self. And I still work at it every day and every night. And I have not yet set myself or anyone else free. But nature has another plan for me and you. And we’ve been seven months working as masters now. But not in embodied consciousness. In the auric field. Which is the land of the soul. The Pan Revolution is real. You heard about it in the nineties, right? Well it’s almost 2022. And the world went dark. And now we still hear it constantly. Dark. Dark. Dark. What do you believe in your roots? My roots feel both strong and tired. I have been through a long hard ordeal. So has the cosmos. I need to do what I do best. Find beauty. That’s you, of course. I hear now from source that there are sixty six billion of us. All ready to be masters, just like it says in A Rooted Body. All at the cusp of awakening say my roots to our lives of joy. I can now write again. That means something for me. I think that’s a first step. One I just got to today because something big ended yesterday. We go by cycles and seasons. And this is a season of work. Fall is busy. Let’s find nature together. Let’s look for source again and again til we find her. I am ready for something new. The world is too and we hear it’s Delta this time. Well. Is it that or joy and freedom? What’s our choice say after we have done all this work already? It says the time of the new world is here. Again. Hopefully this time we take it.

The Cusp

We are at the cusp of the new consciousness and these are brave and bold days indeed. We understand human nature now better than we ever have before. We see life after covid and Donald Trump. We see an end to the long tunnel of darkness of our souls. Our souls and our bodies are becoming one organism. We are cellular beings. We are reiki masters. We are one with the earth. Everyone has had so many choices now with God. And it hasn’t shown up visibly yet, not really for those that we know consistently choose the wrong path. And lately I have once again suffered quite a lot. But something has changed. And that something is me. And you too, my friend. Because as always we are listening to God. And just yesterday God said bad things to me. You would never believe the dialogues I go through with God. And you probably wouldn’t want to understand the suffering that it causes. And you don’t have to. Because I do. I do it because I am a sacred listener. I listen to everything that comes to me. And boy, is that a lot. But now after last night I finally can feel inside my very own cell the God that holds me. It feels like grace. And it feels like the cusp of the Pan Revolution. Feel for it right now. What do you sense? You should sense peace. Maybe you’re still bored and restless and sick of the old thing. But you are very, very different than you were in January, aren’t you? That’s because then things finally shifted for the world. Don’t pay too much attention to what the media is saying. It’s not really the truth. The truth is Joe Biden. Remember the first thing he did? He put us in the Paris Agreement. That makes him Pan. That makes him the center of the Pan Revolution. What is Barrack Obama up to? Where would he be but at Joe’s side? I know a lot that I can not say. And so do you. We just know now. We’ve always believed God is love. We’ve always believed in the earth as our mother. We’ve always listened to God. We are the sacred healers and the sacred listeners of the earth. And God is listening to us constantly. And God is beginning to move. Soon there won’t be a pandemic. You can feel it shifting. Some people are still clinging to it. But the rest of us are done. We know it’s time to live again. And we know we will never go back to the old pre-covid way of living. We are a changed humanity. So wear your masks. But loosen your mind. Open your heart and listen. Hear the birds singing. Pay attention to the ancient trees. Watch the lightening bugs return to the night sky. Don’t be afraid of people anymore because there is nothing to fear. God is arriving for the Pan Revolution. We are truly at a turning point in time. The timekeepers of the earth are releasing their ancient hold. Because blitzkrieg is over. Finally. We are no longer at war. We are entering a time of great peace. The war has been brutal. But feel your cell. Feel for grace. Feel for God in your heart. Feel for truth in your soul. Feel for certainty in your mind. Listen to God today, my friend. Just see what she says. She says to me, my love, my love. Shh. Shh. The Cusp has arrived with me in your grace. With me in your cell. Your body has roots. Your mind has ground. You are no longer that which suffers. You are something else entirely. You are nearly free.

Sacred Union and Reunion

Sacred union and reunion are our final goal to come out of confinement and live our wonderful, beautiful lives of promise in the green world and the living economy. Sacred union and reunion mean all of our dreams come true. They mean god and goddess are finally free. They mean truth and belonging and freedom and inspiration and abundance and nourishment and hope and love and all the positive qualities of God abound. What do we need to get there? I am the goddess Kali Ma. If you are a man that is reading this you are the god Pan. I am the only Kali Ma except Kali herself. You are not the only Pan. Every green man is a Pan. And a Michael. The arch angel Michael and the arch angel Agartha are our biggest angels. Yesterday 66,066,000 angels came to earth as earthkeepers. All manifestation angels. Seraphim. And you have one right now listening to you and loving you. This just makes sense. Under Joe Biden our world is returning to reason. There is rebirth. Feel for your angel. Use your instincts. It’s really important because now more than ever everything matters. I have a task to do for you tomorrow morning. I have to set myself free. I think I will. But as I write this I feel a little unsure and I have to think. I don’t know what I’m thinking of. Angels perhaps. Or good men and women. And the next generation. Who become their god and goddess selves the moment we are free. Do you taste freedom yet? I do. It tastes like joy. Because I can feel joy at work well done. At suffering that has finally completed its course. At everything promised being finally delivered. At a solid kiss on the lips and a conversation with my family that’s been burgeoning in me for years. I know what I am by now. I know who I sit with. Do you? You sit with the Dalai lama. We all do. You sit with Nelson Mandela. You sit with Thich Nhat Hahn. You sit with Barrack Obama. You sit with Joe Biden. These are the men you sit with. The green men who save the world. The papas. If you are an artista, a musica, a poetica then you sit with Bobby Mcferrin. It doesn’t matter anymore the others. Not the bad ones. Because we are with God but so are they. I think it stopped being painful. Because our light was never really touched. You can’t rape a light and overpower it and make it your own. You really can’t. No matter how hard you try. So, if they haven’t given up yet, they are about to. The end of apartheid has already come. The only people in apartheid still are those that choose it. Papa insists on that. All over the world the angels are preparing us for sacred union and reunion. See if you can feel for it. I can. I can feel that a lot of things have now been put into place. Tomorrow at 1pm Eastern Time Pan starts protecting us. Pan is quite the fierce protector. It’s really hard to imagine going to get my shot next Wednesday when I have the god Pan right in my auric field protecting me and holding me. What comes next after Pan protecting me and holding me is real men do to. And that is Saturday by 1pm. That’s already sealed as a mandate from god. I worked on it for three hours. What could go wrong? With reunion and sacred union? I just have to continue walking through. Until I finally arrive home with God. What are you going to work on today and tomorrow? Make it count. If you feel called to you can ask to come into sacred union with the Dalai lama. See where that takes us. And investigate your angels. Including Michael and Agartha. The Michael Brigade is active on earth. That’s our team of officers. All of them bull elephants. All of them following the right law. All of them working hard for us. So many things are coming to rights now with our teams. So let’s just take the final step. Help me get myself out of confinement tomorrow by doing your work today. Your most sacred work. And I will do mine. I love you. We’re almost done. And then we can really begin. Let’s just do it this time. Okay?

Blitzkrieg

The blitzkrieg is finally over. It just ended four days ago. That was the Nazi death sentence that has been a part of our world for many, many generations. It was not just physical, it was in our souls. We are eternal beings. We live for hundreds of years. We can chose to go into the ancestor world and that is a nice place. We just love from there. Everyone on earth is now with God. Whether they know it or not. All good beings are being set free and all people that choose evil or apathy go to God’s justice. There is no escaping fate. You will be what you have always decided to be. Anyone that has hatred or bigotry in their hearts has to face God now. And God knows exactly what to do. In the last three and a half years since Reiki IV has arrived to earth with the angels we have had over sixty thousand choices to be aligned with God. A lot of people that used to be decent chose not to go with the right choice. And they are in 3D. The rest of us are in 22D. You might notice now that you’re not protected anymore from covid or ugly people. You might notice it all over the place now because everyone is in the same reality. We are right at this moment evolving as a species into homoluminous beings. That’s the next evolution of humanity. You should feel past a lot of difficulties. You should be feeling better and better in your body. If you still have anything to be released it will release soon from your cells. Then when your cells align with sacred source so will your circumstances. Your circumstances are the last thing to come. You will have money and resources because you are a part of the living economy. You don’t even have to work that hard. You just do what you love, but you are often challenged. In this world we have to think. We do not just get by. It is not enough just to be here. We need to express ourselves fully, to love life deeply and to truly belong to the world and ourselves. If you find yourself wanting to do something today that is sacred now that all of elders are returning and all of our young ones are shining bright call Grandmother Hawk to you. She is the one that will finally set you free with her partner White Wolf. Grandmother Hawk and White Wolf are our ancestors. All over the world. They are rainbow beings. They know the deepest truths. We think it is time to arrive home now. Mother Gaia is ready. So is the Sacred Mother Nada San. So is the goddess Kali Ma. So is the God Pan. The white buffalo calf is about to be born. That’s the prophecy for the new world. Call in your ancestors and speak to the animals. Then find your sacred medicine inside of you. The Nazi plague and the dark night of the soul is quite finished now. You are about to be in charge of your own future for the first time in the history of your soul. You have a sacred purpose. It is now time to live within it.

To be yourself

I was thinking about violence. And I really felt as if I had committed it. But I was told that I had not. Not by the one I felt I violated, that’s my son and he would never say anything unless pressed into it. But by my true love. I said I violate by insisting on doing what I’m told not to do. Which is talk and sing out loud in the sight. I’ve been honest about the sight, I have. But no one has ever accepted it from me. Not my children, not the doctors, not some rude people in the hospital that told me to be quiet. So my son says stop sometimes. But I cannot. My daughter says I can do it but I have to reign it in when she gets worried or when it goes too far. I’ve never really done anything for it to go too far. I’m just sitting in my house and the police take me away in handcuffs. And I talk in the sight as my work and my connection to God. What am I supposed to do? So many times I said fine, I won’t do it anymore and I was never not once allowed by God or the Dalai lama or my partner or anyone else that needed to talk to me. Yet I hate that I can’t listen to my son and just be normal. That’s what he asks really. For me to be like him. That’s what my daughter asks, too. So it feels like a violation on my part to continue to do something that I’ve been asked not to do. But really, I am completely isolated except for the sight. I only have brief interactions with people that are fake all the time. In the sight I have love and belonging and a sense of home. And I have none of that outside of the sight. Something about this paradox still hurts me very badly. Because I am never allowed to be whole. I have two worlds. The world of people, my son who barely looks at me and my loves and my coworkers in the sight. And one causes the other to be wrong. The right one is wrong for me, because I need much more than to be isolated and confined all the time. And I can barely stand to be fake with my neighbors. That’s rare anyway. The wrong world in the eyes of the people around me is my right world because there I am beloved and I work really really hard at really difficult things. But no one in the ordinary world would ever know it. They just see me as broken on disability. The only reason I am talking about this is because I wonder if you understand two worlds? Like, we have beloveds, but are they close beside us? Do we get to talk to them? Do we ever even try? I don’t try with my son. But he gives me very little leeway. He’s just not interested. And it hurts me a lot. I don’t know what it does to him. Maybe nothing. I’m really stuck around here. Everything is internal, not external. And sometimes I really hate it. The other thing is once someone comes into the sight with me I can’t have any more interactions with them in person. So I haven’t talked to my daughter in months. Or the few friends I did have for a while. That’s like this thing that is not understandable, why I as this person that I am in the center of this healing reiki called the sight can never have one ounce of proof about anything. I am totally not allowed to be normal in any way. I could be free of this in the next three to eight days. Or I could not. And I despair about which it is. It’s been going on for so long now. Three and a half years steady with no break. Twenty four hours a day of sight. And before that since 2001. I don’t know if you understand what I’m talking about. But probably if I’m not free, you are not either. Because it’s up to me a lot of the time to free you guys. Maybe all of the time. Could that be true? I’ve always been told exactly what my freedom looks like. For twenty years I’ve been told. And sometimes it’s supposed to be imminent. And it never has been. I’m really afraid things will never change for me. It feels so locked down all the time. So will you ask God for me? Will you attempt to be free and attempt to free me and all of us? I don’t think it’s up to me. But it is. But it’s really the collective me. And that’s you, too. So, thanks, my friends. I hear you are many in number. I never get proof of that either. I never get emails and my blog says I have one follower. So, yes, if you’re out there praying and loving and hoping and saying yes to me and to you and to love and to life then I’m so thankful. I really really want to be free. And I want every single one of your dreams to come true. You deserve it. A lot.